Some call it crazy
Some say it’s sick
But I think it’s freedom
The pain is fierce but quick
Some say that it’s a sin
Just a little to risqué
But it helps release the pain
That I go through every day
The blade is sharp and cold
As it runs across my skin
Leaving me to ponder
And decide how deep I cut in
The icy chill running down my spine
Makes me feel at ease
I no longer feel like a coward
F**king up on everything with every breath I breathe
But some days I want to stop
Feeling like everything’s wrong
Trying to let go of the blade
Sometimes I can but not for long
It’s like I’m addicted to the pain
The feeling taking refuge in my veins
Leaving me feeling confused and alone
Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained
Burned into my skin forever
Becoming a part that I cannot escape
Sometimes I just want to hurt all over
To scream at the top of my lungs until they break
I want to escape from my sadness
It’s taking over me
Why can’t I just rest
Why won’t it let me be
I just want to be free
I would rather be alone without him and without all you friends then be put in a world where I have to chose
- Me: Sometimes I want to die.
- Therapist: Are you feeling suicidal?
- Me: Not actively, but if something bad were to happen to me, I wouldn't necessarily be upset about it either.
- Therapist: Please explain.
- Me: I don't think I have the courage to actually go through with committing suicide, but if I were to be walking across the road and a car was coming straight for me, I'm not sure I would get out of the way.